Thursday, June 9, 2011

Life with 2 kids under 2!

I get asked alot what it is like having 2 kids less than 2 years here is my take right now:

It is hard. The end.

Just kidding, but it is hard. It is easier having a newborn this time around because I have already been through it before. I know things I didnt know the first time. I worry less. It comes more natural. BUT it is extremely more difficult because I have a toddler.

Its hard because 1) I cant sleep when the baby sleeps. I can only nap when Audrie naps, and thank God Ki is a good sleeper! 2) Audrie is going through the transition of having a new sibling. She is hitting and pushing other children. She pushes boundaries even more. 3) I have to feed Ki a bottle every 3 hours which takes about 30 minutes minimum. So while I am doing this, Audrie does alot of things she knows she isnt supposed to do because she knows I am not going to stop feeding him to chase her. 4) We are still in beginning stages of potty training. Very hard to do w/ a newborn. 5) Audrie wants to help alot. And sometimes it really is helpful. She brings me diapers, wipes, burp rags. Sometimes its not so helpful. Trying to pick up Ki, trying to shove the paci in his mouth, taking out the bottle or paci just because. 6) Audrie has regressed to how she was at about 13/14 months. Very clingly. Whining while I am cooking to hold her, always wanting help to do things she has been doing independently for months, etc... 7) It takes us a LONG time to get ready. Between getting both kids ready, feeding Audrie, feeding Ki, getting myself half-way decent, we dont leave the house earlier than 9! Today we didnt leave til 10!

I know Audrie is just adjusting and it will be better over time. It seems to get better each day actually. But that is my answer when people ask. I will keep updating what it is like. I am sure as Ki and Audrie both get older it will bring different challenges and bring different positive things.

So the positive things: 1) She loves her brother. 2) When Audrie wakes up, she asks where the baby is. 3) She gives him kisses all the time. 4) I love having a little boy. 5) He is sooooo sweet. 5) I love having a newborn again. 6) I could hold Ki all day and give him kisses. :) 7) I am really really enjoying a child that cant move anywhere on his own. Ha!

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Ki is 2 weeks old!

Ki had his 2 week appt Monday!

He is 9lb 10 oz. (74%) 22 inches (88%) and his head circumference is 14 in (19%).

He is a big boy with a small head! :)

He is such a good baby. He doesnt cry too much as long as he being held, in the moby or asleep in the bassinet. (on his tummy, I know, I am bad mommy!--but one that gets some sleep!) He goes a 4 hour stretch at night usually from 11-3. Then a 3 hour stretch. I am definitely looking forward to him sleeping longer but grateful for how much he sleeps!

The hardest part is having a toddler too. Audrie is making the adjustment for sure. She is acting out more as expected and we have to work harder to show her attention. I do plan to put her MDO for the fall but for the summer it is the three of us! She is a really good helper, sometimes too much! I am sure in a month or so she will be well adjusted and realize baby brother isnt going anywhere!

Monday, June 6, 2011

Post-Partum Anxiety

These past few days have been rough to say the least. It really started Tuesday night. I fed Ki and laid down in the bed and couldnt turn my mind off. I had all these negative thoughts running through my mind. Like, why in the world did we decide to have 2 kids so close in age? How can I do this? How can I breastfeed him every 2-3 hours for an hour at a time and keep up with a toddler? Etc... It was horrible. I didnt sleep at all in between those feedings. I told GT about it and just kind of shrugged it off. **Alot of this came from going to the lactation consultant. She told us that Ki needed to have 3 poo diapers before 3 the next day. If not, I was going to have to pump and give him an ounce of breastmilk by a bottle. This gave me super super anxiety. I couldnt imagine breastfeeding him for 45 minutes then pumping??!?!? All the while keeping Audrie busy. And I knew Thursday GT would be going back to work and I would be alone with the kids.

Then Wednesday, I cried off and on all day. We had a few visitors which made me feel better. Then when it was time to go to sleep, I couldnt sleep. I called my mom at 2:30 in the morning. We talked for about an hour and decided to stop breastfeeding. It was causing me too much anxiety and I needed to be a mommy. I fed him his first bottle at 3:30 am. It lifted a big anxiety and I was able to sleep for an hour. When I was up for the day, I couldnt stop crying. I couldnt even get a sentence out without crying. I called my dad and asked him to come get me and the kids. I called my doc and told his nurse what was going on and she called me in Lexapro. As soon as I took the first pill I stopped crying. I feel bad for the pharmacist. When he was explaining the medicine to me, I broke down crying. So, I stopped crying after I took the first pill, but I still had strong anxiety.

That Thursday night I knew I needed to sleep. I took 2 tylenol p.m., a hot bath and still didnt sleep well. I couldnt get into a deep sleep. The next 3 days, I spent sleeping some, still having anxiety and not sleeping well. The doc called in some vistaril for anxiety and ambien. I finally slept 2 nights with the ambien. And by Sunday, I was able to go to the grocery store. Between Thursday and Sunday morning, it was like I couldnt function. I couldnt eat. I couldnt take care of Audrie or Ki. I couldnt even feed him his bottle. My mom spent all of those nights getting up with him. My mom and GT took turns feeding him. It was horrible. I felt like I would never be normal again and be able to take care of kids.

After Sunday, each day got a little better. I slept Monday and Tuesday night without an ambien and started taking care of the kids Monday at my moms house to make sure I could do it by myself. We came home on Wednesday. I am no longer taking the ambien and only taking the vistaril if I am having strong anxiety, but it makes me sleepy. I am taking the Lexapro until my 6 wk appt then going to talk to the doc about weaning off of it.

It was an experience for sure. I am so grateful for my family and friends. I know alot of people were praying for me. I dont think I would be as well today without those prayers. I wanted to write about this because I realize from talking to other moms about it that I am not alone. Many women experience this and it is very scary but it does make it better to talk to someone who has gone through it.