Recap: Im in 7th grade and doubting my salvation...
I was scared to tell anyone my doubts. I was scared to admit I had been lying the whole time. As a preacher's kid, I was put on a pedal-stool along with my brothers and I felt if I admitted this that I would be letting people down. I wouldn't be living up to their expectations. So I stayed silent. I tried to ignore it. Almost, every night I could not sleep because I was up thinking about it and worrying.
The summer in between my 8th and 9th grade school year, my parents came to me and told me that my dad was considering taking a church in Eunice, LA. I did not know anything about Eunice, but I had lived in Baton Rouge, which I thought would be similar. I still didn't want to go. We went to visit for a weekend, and I hated it. Then my dad said it wasn't going to work out and we weren't going. I was SO relieved. So my 9th grade year starts at Byrd. I was on pep-squad, making new friends and going to school with some old friends, and I had a boyfriend. Then my parents came to me again and said we would be moving to Eunice. My dad really felt that God was calling him there. I was devastated and angry. Angry with God for calling my dad to move there, Angry with my dad for being obedient. So after the first 9 weeks was over, I moved. And I cried. I cried for days and months. I was miserable. I hated my new school. I hate the new church. I hated everything about where I was.
Then I met a boy at church. He was 19, I was 14. I thought this would be a great way to get back at my God and parents for making me move. So, I did. I would sneak around seeing him and finally we made it public we were going to be together no matter what anyone said. My parents were angry, but they never forbid me to date him because they knew I would do want I wanted to do anyway. They were not happy with it, and knew I would regret it later. One day, I came home from spending some time with him and I remember my mom crying and telling me that she was not going to let Satan have her daughter. (She meant the real Satan not the boy)... I didn't really get it at that time, but it scared me. I told her she was making a big deal out of nothing. This is where the whole "preacher kids are the worst" comes in. I was being very rebellious. I had so much anger in me.
During this time, I had been reading the Left Behind series. One day, it was time to go to church and it was just my brother, Leighton and I at home. My dad had asked him to water hose the pile of leaves we had burning before we left. I got ready, then went to go get Leighton. I couldn't find him anywhere. I went outside to look at the leaf pile, no Leighton. I yelled for him. I went to his room, no Leighton. But there was a pile of clothes. I thought, Oh No, the rapture has happened and I was left behind. I ran to the phone, called the church, no answer. I called the boy (I am not sure why-because I am pretty sure if the rapture happen, he would be left behind too). He didn't even answer. I was so scared. I had all these thoughts running through my mind. Then Leighton comes through the door. I ran to my room and cried. Apparently, he was at the pile of leaves, I just couldn't see him. and he couldn't hear me yelling...
To be continued...
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