Discipline.

I really really miss blogging. And writing. A few times I have sat at my computer wanting to type but having so much to say and so much time in between post, not knowing where to start. My good friend Randi did the same on her blog. But she came back. SO I decided I could too.

Our days are full. From the second we wake up until nap time...it is go go go. Always a mouth to feed, diaper to change, toys to play with or something to clean up. Having two mobile children is twice the fun and twice the challenge. I cannot think of a bigger blessing than my children. Sure the days aren't always full of fun and some feel very stressful, but morning always comes. And when it does I can't wait to hold my sweet babies again and start the day. We start our day singing "This is the day that the Lord has made" and "Rise and Shine", something I swore to myself I wouldn't sing with my children. Now, I am so grateful my parents did and I am passing it on! So funny how all the things I said I would never do with my kids and am doing and praying I am doing it close to as well as my parents did.

The main topic and thoughts of our life right now is discipline. WhenI started out being a parent, I thought it was hard. My life was forever changed, good and bad. Now, I had this person who was totally and utterly dependent on me, night and day. THEN Audrie got older and around 18 months things started getting REALLY hard. She suddenly had this will and attitude. She was pushing the boundaries. She was being defiant. My sweet little baby was testing me! It was a little easier that I was working, little harder that I was pregnant, but we made it through. We toughed it out. I made excuses for her and me. THEN baby brother was born. What a shock to all of us. Life got hard. I had NO idea what two kids would be like. It took awhile in the beginning for me to find the joy in having two children.

So Ki was born and I was at home all day with two children. Audrie's behavior became harder for me to handle. Going out of our house was usually a disaster. But staying home felt like a disaster too. We got through those first few months too. I was tired. Audrie had enough energy for an army. I thanked God everyday for a calm baby boy who enjoyed sleeping. I counted down the days until Audrie started Mother's Day Out.

My life, well our life, changed when I started going to BSF (Bible Study Fellowship). God began to work in my heart. He showed me that the discipline and stress I felt in parenting had NOTHING to do with my kids but EVERYTHING to do with me. I was trying to do things on my own. I was trying to discipline and parent the way the world tells me to. And I was failing miserably. I felt like I was drowning and taking the kids down with me. God placed a few Godly women in my life to come along me and help me.

First, my friend, Kristin recommended the book, "Dont Make Me Count to Three", by Ginger Plowman and "Shepherding a Child's Heart", by Tedd Tripp.  Honestly, I didnt read the second book all the way through. I tried but couldnt. The first book I read in two days. I realized through these pages that I was trying to manage Audrie's behavior and control it instead of looking at the heart issues behind the behavior.

Secondly, my friend Amy, suggested the book, "Loving the Little Years" by Rachel Jankovic. This just added to my re-thinking discipline, as I saw Audrie in the same light as Christ sees me. I am a sinner just like our children. And just like Christ comes along side of us to gently and loving direct us in the right path, that is what we have to do with our children.

My dad gave me a book written in the 70's called "Christian Child-Rearing and Personality Development" by Paul Meier. It was quite an interesting read to say the least. My dad also gave me a sermon he preached when I was younger about discipline. I will treasure this for the rest of my life.

I asked my BSF leader, Leslie, to become a mentor to me. She is such a sweet, gentle woman. Something I am not for sure. We are starting out reading, "Dare to Discipline" by James Dobson. I have already started it but can only do a chapter a week.

God is putting the puzzle pieces together and teaching me so much about mine and His relationship that affects how I discipline and love my children.  Parenting is so hard. Parenting God's way is even harder. I know the investment is worth it. I will be tired the rest of my life if it means I am teaching my children to love the Lord with all their hearts.

I have found the joy in having two children. (And of course I want more now!) Everyday I cant wait to see what God has for us. Is it perfect? Heck no. Do I still cry some days? Yes. Is Audrie's behavior perfect? No. But it has improved significantly. Do I still have alot to learn? Yes. Am I the perfect mother? No and there is not one on the planet. I am not EVEN close if there was one.

I hope to write more about my parenting journey in details as God changes my heart and grows my relationship with Him. I will end with an article Lysa TerKeurst wrote this week about parenting called "I dont want to raise a good child". Such a great reminder that we aren't called to raise a good child but a God child.