How to Control the Monster

The day after I posted "The Monster Inside of Me", my Bible study was about uncontrolled emotions. I guess the monster has a name! :)

I decided I wanted go into a little more detail of the monster. Do you ever feel sometimes you cant control your emotions? Or they are so out of control that you dont even realize it? That is what is usually going on when my "monster" appears. And the thing is...emotions are good. God created them. And He created women with many of them :)  but sometimes we let them control us. And we let them decide how we treat others.

For me, it wasnt until pregnancy/newborn phase/ toddler phase that I had such strong emotions. Mixed with being a newlywed. Mixed with working for CPS and my husband losing his job...etc...etc...That will all bring on ALOT of emotions.

So the question isnt how to get rid of emotions. Like I said, I believe they are a good thing. I would HATE not being able to feel. The quest is to find out how to not let them get out of control and how to have a healthy release of emotion like my friend reminded me in my previous post.

Here are things that are helping and have helped me on this journey:
Praying (I have to do this ALOT)
Reading Scripture
Reading Books (Some Christian, some just an escape)
Late night talks with my GT
MOPS (Mothers of Pre-Schoolers)
Bible Study
Church (I cant tell you how 2 hours of worship/sermon help my monster)
Working Part-Time
Date Night
Painting
Play Dates
Etc...

How do you control your emotions from becoming a monster???

I need MOM advice!

I need advice from mom's of two or more children, preferably if you had them close together and they were using baby items at the same time.

1. Double Stroller. Do I need to invest in an expensive one or should I just get an umbrella type double stroller? My thoughts: I plan on wearing Ki as much as possible for the first 6 months of his life. The only time in those 6 months I think I will need a stroller is if we go somewhere that will be a lengthy amount of time, (i.e. the zoo, day of shopping, etc...)

The two I like are:

$99 at Target. I really like the side by side strollers.

or

Which can do all sorts of cool things and is $199 at Target. I really love this stroller. I just cant decide if it is worth the money. 

I dont really even use a stroller that often with Audrie anymore. I used to when I walked with my girlfriends, but since I am working I wont be doing that.

Baby Monitors

Am I still going to want one in Audries room after Ki is here? I mean she sleeps through the night even when she is sick. I think the only reason I will is because she will be in a toddler bed and sometimes I might want to see what she is doing. We have video monitors and LOVE them!

I really thought I had more questions but cant think of them at the moment. I will welcome any advice as I start preparing to have 2 little ones! Also, if you have brought your infant to work with you, I will take any advice on that as well. The plan as of now is to take Ki to work with me until he is atleast 6 months old! AH! :)

The Monster Inside Me

The "monster" really came unleashed during my first pregnancy. I became this hormonal mess of a woman. I treated my husband worst than I would treat my dog. When I look back at it, I think WHO was that woman? I get embarrassed by how I acted and even though we laugh about it now, I still tell GT how sorry I am for being that way. What I hate the most is I thought it was ok. I blamed it on the pregnancy and my job. Even though they did contribute a big deal, it was not ok.

Then, Audrie is born. I wish the monster went away. But she didnt. She really got worst. And my husband had some monster come out in him. Of course we couldnt take it out on our newborn, so we took it out on each other. We blamed it on lack of sleep and the exhaustion only a new baby could bring. I dont remember even feeling a bond with my husband during that first 3 months of Audries life. We were only surviving.

Things got better. We attended a marriage retreat and God really did a work in our marriage which in turn affected our patience with each other and with a baby...

Then Audrie became a toddler. And my monster returned. I have a hard time explaining the frustration that a toddler brings. It is so much fun and I love her more than I could ever imagine loving someone, along with it comes a different kind of exhaustion and frustration. I would never have thought I would get so worked up over a 18 month old getting in dog food. And of course I blame it on being pregnant again and Audrie being so strong-willed. Again, both of those did contribute, but I hate who I become at times. This is not the example God wants me to pass on to Audrie.

I have been struggling with this for a few months now. It comes and goes, some days are worst than others. Then God spoke...

And He said, Lydia...come to me. Pray to me for the patience and the wisdom. You are trying to be a parent on your own and this is never how it is supposed to be. On your own, you are a monster because you're broken come to me and I will make you whole.

I cannot tell you the relief and peace I feel now. Will the monster still come out? More than likely. But the fact that God is on my parenting team makes me rest assured that things will be ok. Part of this has come from reading the book "What the Bible Says about Parenting" by John McArthur. I am only on the second chapter and it has been life-changing. I will share more later...

23 weeks!

Sorry no belly pic this week. Will try better next week!

Pregnancy Highlights:

How Far Along: 23 Weeks

Size of baby: Baby is about the size of a large mango. Hence the picture. 

Total Weight Gain/Loss:  Gained 12 lbs :(

Maternity Clothes: I am in everything maternity. I have a few maternity shirts that are getting too short. It isnt because my belly is so large, it is because I am 6 ft tall with a growing belly!

Gender: Boy. Hezekiah "Ki" Eugene

Movement: I feel like he has been moving alot more this week. This morning when I woke up Audrie woke me up, he was doing flips. It was like good morning, mama! :) I CANT WAIT to see him! 

Sleep: This week sleep has been rough. GT is sick which means he snores very loudly. Which wakes me up. Then I cant go back to sleep. So I go sleep in the guest bed in which Audries room is right next door. AND for some reason she has woke up at 6am for the past 2 mornings! UGH! 

What I miss: Pooing regularly. 

Cravings: Anything sweet. This week I wanted onion rings and peach cobbler. Not together...but those were my 2 cravings.

Symptoms: Constipation, heartburn and my back started hurting this week, but it comes and goes. OH and my sinuses, I blow my nose so much. 

Best Moment this week:  Audrie kissed my belly. It was so sweet. She is going to be a great big sister! AND onion rings from Whataburger, they were delicious! 

22 Weeks!

I stole this from one of my friends...so maybe I will be better at keeping up with this pregnancy plus taking a weekly picture! 

Pregnancy Highlights:

How Far Along: 22 Weeks

Size of baby: Baby is about a pound and 11 inches!

Total Weight Gain/Loss:  Gained 10 lbs :(

Maternity Clothes: The shirt in the picture above is not maternity and it is too short! I am basically in all maternity especially pants. 

Gender: Boy. Hezekiah "Ki" Eugene

Movement: He moves reallllllyyyy low. All the time. Once I felt him higher when I was laying down. He does not seem to be as active as Audrie was. I felt Audrie really high, like by my rib cage so this is different.

Sleep: Sleep is good. I wake up about once to pee during the night.

What I miss: I miss feeling skinny. I mean Ive never been really "skinny" but for me, I was at my ideal weight prior to getting preggo again!

Cravings: Anything sweet. All the time. Milkshakes especially. 

Symptoms: Hm. I dont really have any besides the fact I could sleep at any moment if given the chance. 

Best Moment this week:  Audrie is finally pointing to my belly (occasionally) when I ask her where baby brother is. I think she is starting to understand somewhat. Maybe not, I dont know. 

Only 4 1/2 months left?

It just hit me the other night. Im having another baby...in 4 1/2 months!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHH!!! I feel like I have made no preparations so far...all I have done is buy a few onesies...and ask some friends who have boys for whatever they dont want anymore! I know some people might be thinking...4 1/2 months is a long time, then my friends who have kids are like, she better get to it! I know, right? So here is a list of what needs to be done before I will feel ready for little baby Ki!

• Make Audrie a toddler room. Get Audrie adjusted to sleeping in her new room and bed.
• Start potty training Audrie.
• Find somewhere for all her toys in the playroom which will soon be her new room or baby brothers room.
• Figure out who gets what room.
• Paint room.
• Buy Ki's bedding.
• Paint canvas's for Ki's nursery.
• Paint canvas's for Audries new room.
• Find somewhere for all my scrapbooking/painting/gift wrapping supplies.
• Buy new bedroom furniture so Audrie can have our furniture.
• Re-carpet or put down laminate wood flooring.
• Paint all baseboards.
• Get new playpen. I will need 2 since I will be bringing Ki to work and Audrie uses hers at the sitter.
• Get more NB/small cloth diapers. Learn how to do pre-folds.
• Research and purchase double stroller.
• Get boy clothes. 
• Get boy blankets, towels, etc..

Oh my, the list could go on. And on. Hope GT is ready to work!

Here is the bedding I have decided on for little Ki:

I Love this soooo much. I have been looking forever for a bright colored patterned bedding and here it is! I am very picky about bedding/room decor...so I am so excited to find something perfect!

GT isnt tooooo thrilled about it, but he knows how crazy I am! I promise him it will look good once its all said and done. I am trying to decide what color to paint the nursery? The bedding has ALOT of yellow in it so I dont think I will go that route. I LOVE the blue color in it. Not too baby...very modern blue. The red and green are too dark.

Lets take a poll: What color should I paint Ki's nursery? 

To see the bedding in more detail (because I am sure everyone does!ha!) you can go here.

I love feeling him move around. He is very active just like his sister...hope that doesnt mean he will be as wild as she is..I need a calm child next! :)

Oh, the joys of pregnancy. It is 3:30 am here. I just ate 2 twinkies and couldnt taste either of them...but kept eating them anyway.

I thought it was time for a preggo post. I typed out some stuff the other day, but now its all irrelevant.

We had a doc appt this week. We just talked about my lab work/sono...everything came back negative which is great. I was scared I would be anemic again and have to take iron pills...I HATE iron pills. Not that I really took the with Audrie, but I was supposed to.

I thought I would share some differences in my 2nd pregnancy vs. my first. Some of these might be gross to others out there so just dont read it.

Ligament pain. You know when your pregnant and you get those stretching pains. Well I have them all the time. Like when I sneeze, and when I get up too fast..when I am just sitting still. I had them the first time they are just way more frequent.

I pee on myself alot. When I sneeze, cough hard, laugh hard, you name it. Its just a little bit, but still so annoying.

I feel Ki move really low. Really low. The doc said this is because after your first everything kinda sinks down. Wonderful doc. Tell me something I dont know!

I wasnt near as nauseous with Ki, but I am not sure if its because it is my second time around or because he is a boy.

I have only gained 5 pounds so far, this was not the case with Audrie. Not sure how much I had gained at this point, but im sure it wasnt pretty.

I still love feeling the baby kicks. I thought this time wouldnt be as exciting, but it is. I lay in bed at night with my hand on my belly feeling him move. I am pretty sure he had the hiccups yesterday because the movements were rhythmic and in the same spot.

I have been sick twice. I dont get sick too often on a normal basis, but this time twice. With Audrie I got a sinus infection in the very beginning but it wasn too bad and then a stomach virus. This time two really bad sinus infections/cold.

Thats all I can really think of at this point. I feel like I look similar as far as how my belly is growing. It is a little lower but growing the same.

The doc said my uterus is the size of a basketball. But Ki is only about 10 oz.  He explained it like we have got to  to grow the house for the baby to grow in. That makes sense, I had never heard of it like that.

Having a boy is very exciting. I love that it is going to be somewhat new. Even though I have had a baby, this time its a boy! It is a little overwhelming at times thinking of all the new stuff we need. We will be making Audries room into a big girl room soon. With a big girl bed. And I might start introducing the big girl potty. Not so sure on that one yet. And for Ki, obviously clothes, bedding, etc...

The benedryl is kicking in now! Yay for sleep! :)