Friday, March 10, 2017

Longview House Update and God's Kindness!

My precious friend painted this for me one Christmas. Such a special treasure to always remember our Longview house and the journey it has brought us on! 

I wasn't going to post this until we were in the "safe" zone. Or really until we closed on the house. Because we have been here before. And it didn't work out. Truth is...God was still good when that didn't work out. And He is still good now. He was good when my dad died. He was good when I had panic attacks. He was good in each of my kids births. HE IS GOOD! 

So let me give you a new timeline....Mid November 2016, we get a new renter. In the nick of time. He even asks if he can paint the inside of our house out of his pocket. Sure! :) 

Fast forward...middle of January...dad is in the hospital...I am trying to juggle GT being out of town, going up to the hospital, 3 kids...then one of neighbors from Longview texts me and ask if our renter moved out. OMG. Not again! Took a few days but we figured out yes he did move out. And left stuff in the house AGAIN! Stressed out isn't even appropriate to describe how I was feeling. 

Few weeks later, we load the kids up...go clean out the house for the second time. Clean the house. We have no idea how we are going to pay the mortgage but we know we just can't get renters again. We step out in little faith and put the house on the market.

God comes through and provides a tax refund we can use to pay a few months mortgage. Full honesty here, I was still pissed. I was angry that our renter moved out again. Angry we had this house we used to love and was such a blessing, but we were done with it. Angry that we had to spend our tax refund  on a mortgage to a house we weren't living in. I had so many other plans for that refund. My heart tried to be thankful God provided the money. I would go back and forth. Anger and thankfulness. All within the same minute.

We put the house on the market, January 31. It showed 3 times in the whole month. The last two times we listed it, it showed 3 times a week! We were so discouraged. 

Tuesday of this week (March 7), I woke up with just a heavy heart. I cried on and off most of the day. Full of confusion. Why God? Why won't the house sell? How are we going to pay for another child's birth? How are we going to pay for this and that? We only have 1 more month of a mortgage payment, will we foreclose? And my dad isn't even here for advice and encouragement...

Our church is participating in Lent, we are giving up something each week...this week TV. We are only doing it with the kids (AH!)...so anyway, instead of the 30 minutes of TV they get a night, we are doing extended pray time. We prayed for the house in Longview to sell. And we prayed for the person sitting next to us. Ya'll, it has been so sweet. And really helped my ridiculous funk. I listened to my babies pray that God will send a buyer...how innocent they are and how much they believed with full faith.

Only 30 minutes after our prayer time Tuesday, my phone rings...Its our realtor! She said "the house has been showing like crazy, and I think we are going to get an offer tomorrow!"

Our hearts just exploded. Then we got cautious. But still. Hope.

The next day...realtor calls..We got an offer! MORE than we were asking for. And closing the end of March. ARE YOU KIDDING??!???! 

Don't you see how wonderfully kind, tolerant, and patient God is with you? Does this mean nothing to you? Can't you see that his kindness is intended to turn you from your sin?  Romans 2:4

The next day, I spent a good amount of time crying again. But this time it was different. I was weeping out of repentance. My heart...was so full of doubt, anger, disobedience...and God STILL provided. And provided above our wildest dreams.

We know it could still fall through. Of course our prayers are that it won't. And this will be the end of this stressful journey. The lessons we have learned, and the amount my faith has grown cannot be replaced. 

I guess I wrote this for me as a remembrance. And a journal. And an encouragement to you. Wherever you are in a hard situation, just know that He is faithful. Even when it isn't in our timing. His timing is ALWAYS right. And better than ours. AND He is working for your good! 

This is a verse I claimed a lot during this season, "And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them."   Romans 8:28



Tuesday, February 28, 2017

20 weeks!!!


20 WEEKS! We made it half way!!! WHOOP WHOOP!

Pregnancy Highlights: 

Size of baby: a banana? Thats never made sense to me. I think they mean the length?

Total Weight Gain/Loss:  Well friends, I weighed about 2 weeks ago and had gained 5 pounds so this is the part that I stop weighing.

Maternity Clothes: Yes. and I love them.

Gender: BOY! Powell Allen Nehls 

Movement: Yes! VERY VERY low! 

Sleep: Starting to have a little pregnancy insomnia. 

What I miss: Breathing normal, sleeping on my stomach  

Cravings: Food. Ha! Strawberry Poptarts are up there. 

Symptoms:

Heartburn. All day erryday. So annoying. This baby better be covered in hair!

Best Moment this week
Well I havent blogged in 3 weeks...so since then...
          • When I ask Leslie where baby brother is she points to my tummy
          • I have been feeling him more and more
          • Baby boy clothes!!! AHHHH!!!
          • Making plans for nursery/room decorations
          • Getting excited about another baby! (and alot of nervousness!)

NOT So Best Moment this week:

We still havent sold the Longview house. And have only had three showings in a month. This has been a big disappointment for us. And honestly, we are confused. We are having a hard time seeing God's hand in it all. We know we made the right decision to move here in faith so we pray even harder in faith that God will sell the house quickly. 

Thursday, February 9, 2017

17 weeks and Gender Reveal!


Pregnancy Highlights:

How Far Along: 17 weeks (I was 16w5d in the picture)

Size of baby: 8 oz at the ultrasound...my app says size of a white onion

Total Weight Gain/Loss:  Gained 1 lb according to my doc. Gained none according to my scale...im going with mine! 

Maternity Clothes: Shirts yes. Some pants

Gender: BOY! Powell Allen Nehls (Powell is the last name of my great grandparents, my dad's middle name as well as Luke's and Hudson's!)

Movement: A few times!

Sleep: Been pretty good!

What I miss: Nothing really. Maybe not having heart burn.  

Cravings: Mexican! Especially pink house dressing. 

Symptoms:

I still get nauseous here and there. Mostly at night when I lay down. And heartburn. 😒

Best Moment this week

Honestly these past few weeks have really sucked. Highlights have been people bringing meals and loving on us. Gods grace, comfort and peace. 

Seeing baby and finding out he is a he! 

NOT So Best Moment this week:

Since I blogged last of course losing dad. Then our renter in the Longview house moved out. Then we got some bad news about finances. But God. 😊 We know He is working for our God and will work things out. 


Here are some pictures from our anatomy scan:



For documentation sake- so we went to the ultrasound that baby was not being cooperative! He is VERY low and was breech at the time. He wouldn't move his legs for anything! After probably 30 minutes of trying, I went to see the doctor/drank a coke and went back to the ultrasound. Probably after 20 minutes, she finally found it. (I did not look!)... Mom looked but didnt know what she was looking at, lol!  The sonogram tech texted my friend making the cupcakes and I had to ask the receptionist to delete the text so I wouldnt look! It was all exciting! 

My mom, brothers and their families came over (Leighton made yummy gumbo), and we let the kids reveal the gender by biting in to the cupcake with blue or pink in the middle. You can watch it here. And of course it was BLUE!

Yall I was SURE it was a girl. Because of my pregnancy symptoms. The only thing that made doubt it was the heart rate was lower than it was with my girls. I CANT BELIEVE IM HAVING ANOTHER BOY! Excited and terrified would be the words to describe my feelings! HA! Thankful God makes those decisions and not man! 



Monday, January 16, 2017

14 weeks!!!




Pregnancy Highlights:

How Far Along: 14 weeks 

Size of baby: Large Lemon

Total Weight Gain/Loss:  Ive lost around 5lbs last time I weighed. My rings are falling off, my jeans are saggy, but my belly is just growing!!!

Maternity Clothes: Shirts yes. Some pants

Gender: Yall. So I went to the doctor last week and the heart rate was 153. So now I am confused. I guess we got a 50/50 chance either way! We find out Feb 7- we will do a facebook live!

Movement: A few times! Nothing consistent

Sleep: I could tell a difference in sleep when I got out of the first trimester. I am still sleeping pretty good but not 11-12 hours a night.

What I miss: Being not pregnant

Cravings: Filet O Fish with extra tarter sauce. YUM! 

Symptoms:

Nausea- Still comes some evening but much much better!

Exhaustion- This is much better too!

Best Moment this week

Leslie started walking!!! She is such a joy to our family!  

The big kids went back to school after 21 days of Christmas break!

We enrolled Leslie in Mother's Day Out! I am just dropping her off when I need to but she did great and loved it! 

NOT So Best Moment this week:

My dad has been in ICU for 8 days after a massive heart attack. All the while GT went out of town for 4 days. It has hard week. But God was my strength and we made it through. So thankful for community that surrounds us and prays for us when we are to tired to even pray.



Wednesday, January 4, 2017

12 weeks with #4!

So I started out documenting all my other pregnancies...and you know last time it was few and far between. Gonna try to keep up this time!


Pregnancy Highlights:

How Far Along: 12 weeks 

Size of baby: Clementine 

Total Weight Gain/Loss:  Ive lost around 5lbs last time I weighed. I probably wont be weighing again for oh another year or so. 

Maternity Clothes: Shirts yes (do you see that belly????). Pants no. Props to Old Navy Rockstar Jeggings!  

Gender: I think it is another girl. 1. I am nauseous (wasnt sick a day with Ki) 2. The heart rate was 189 at our first ultrasound. 3. Ramzi theory. 4. Ring test. 5. I always just have this feeling what gender and so far I am 3/3!

Movement: Sometimes in the mornings before I get out of bed I feel flutters. or maybe gas.

Sleep: I love sleep. 

What I miss: Loving food. Its slowly coming back. 

Cravings: Cheese, Carbs, Coke

Symptoms:

Nausea- I have been nauseous since about 5 weeks. Every day around 2-3 pm I get nauseous and extremely tired. BUT its getting better! YAY! 

Exhaustion- Yes
Oh and Back pain! Ugh! I need to see the chiropractor ASAP!

Best Moment this week

GT and I put together a swing set, that was fun! And him being home for 10 days. I love that man!

AND Leslie started saying "mommy"! After 4 months of "daddy", its about time sister!

Monday, January 2, 2017

Here we go...AGAIN! Baby #4!

We contemplated having a third for a few years. We prayed about it, wavered back and forth, talked to friends about it and finally knew it was the right timing for our family. We were really afraid (you can see some previous post for details) to have another child. We felt a peace from God and we felt like our family wasn't complete.

Took the plunge- 9 months later had the sweetest little girl. All of our fears were replaced with joy and peace. We were like a well-oiled machine. Even though we tackled those first hard weeks as a team, we didn't want to do it again. I savored every second, holding Leslie as much as I could. Knowing each milestone would probably be my last to go through with a baby. It was a sense of sadness but also a relief to a degree.

I typed and then deleted a paragraph about things that happened next but I knew my mom wouldn't approve so basically we couldn't afford for things to get taken care of permanently yet. Since we do know what causes it, we were taking preventions to not get pregnant...

I kept taking naps (should have been my first sign) and just so tired. I also got sick with some kind of sinus infection that was awful. I remember the nurse asking me if I could be pregnant-- UM NO! Of course not! Lol. I remember telling my sister n law that I was a few days late but must be my hormones evening out or I charted wrong.

So...here comes November 8 (5 days late). GT comes home for lunch, we load the kids up to go vote. I asked him to run by Freds so I can get a test. I buy 2, 98 cent test. Come home take one...totally expecting it to be negative. If someone would have bet me 1 million dollars I would have taken the bet that it would be negative. But in just 30 seconds, I looked down to see this...



I was holding Leslie on my hip in complete shock, went outside to find GT checking on the chickens. My face said it all. We just couldn't believe it. I called my mom and cried and cried. It wasn't my plan. It wasn't our plan. The other three had been planned. We were going to have three kids.

I had just sold many of Leslie's baby things. I've sold all of her clothes from birth-9 months. We changed our insurance plan to a lesser plan because we weren't having anymore babies. I just got back to my pre-pregnancy weight. My head was spinning. How? Why? What?

I try to be as honest and real life as I can on here (sorry mom) but I struggled with this for weeks. I knew deep in my heart that this baby was a gift from God but my head just couldn't understand it. I felt so guilty because I didn't want to be pregnant. I wasn't excited. The sickness/tiredness hit and I was kind of angry. I wasn't prepared to be pregnant again. Add keeping up with a 12 month old. Add a 7 & 5 year old too. Add the holidays. It was tough.

THEN, God started working on my heart. I went to the Natalie Grant/ Danny Gokey Christmas concert. She started singing her newest hit, "King of This World", somehow I had never heard it.

Here is the first verse and chorus:

I tried to fit you in the walls inside my mind
I try to keep you safely in between the lines
I try to put you in the box that I've designed
I try to pull you down so we are eye to eye

When did I forget that you've always been the king of the world?
I try to take life back right out of the hands of the king of the world
How could I make you so small
When you're the one who holds it all
When did I forget that you've always been the king of the world

Wow. The tears just started coming. How had I made this all about me? This baby (just like my others) aren't mine. They are HIS. Completely HIS. He gave us this baby. Now, I can see how special this baby is. This baby is meant to be and chosen to be by Him and not us. What a blessing and honor, that God has blessed us with another one.

I am not saying I don't still freak out. When moments are tough, I think how in the world am I going to do this with four kids? And God reminds me, you can't do it. But I can. Lean on me. 

My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
Psalm 139:15-16

More than ever I read these verses as a reminder...this wasn't a surprise to God. My days have been ordained by Him. So have the days of this baby growing in my womb.  Amazing what happens when your heart of anger is melted into a heart of gratitude. 

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