Because I worked for CPS, this movie was more real to me than fiction. When it comes to child abuse alot of people think Ignorance is Bliss. I am not going to lie, I was relieved to no longer work for CPS thinking this would be the case for me. It is not. There isnt a day when I dont think about one of my kids or parents or both. When people would ask me where I worked, they would always respond with, "That has to be a tough job". I would respond with, "it is hard because of the hours and amount of work, but it is rewarding to know I am giving a child a new chance at life or I am helping a family get reunited to have a better life together." The truth is working for CPS, being a social worker, is hard. It is hard because for the most part people dont change. My eyes were opened to so much in that year and 1/2. I saw parents who quit drugs cold turkey the minute their children were taken away and then I saw parents who wouldnt even show up to see their child for their weekly 1 hour visit. But it was ALWAYS for the child. However, there were the hard cases, when there was a fine line. What is really best for the child? I would try so hard to believe in some of my parents, just to be let down time and time again. There were times I would come home and just cry because I didnt know what to do to help them and I knew they were going to lose their child. Or I would cry because they were doing everything "right", but I knew the child didnt need to go back home.
I really thought when I left CPS, I would never look back. I was very wrong. It is like it is deep in my heart. I feel empty because I am not "saving the world". I dont know if I will ever go back. It is alot of work. Long hours. Stressful hours. Alot of traveling. I dont feel like I could be the kind of parent I want to be to Audrie and my future children. Yall know from my previous posts how strongly I feel about staying home. Watching that movie just made me feel sad, empty and like I am not doing my part. Really though, I dont know if I could make it working for CPS again. Having a child, my perspective has totally changed on 2 levels. 1) I cant imagine ANYONE taking Audrie from me. Now, I know I am not a parent that would have her child taken away, but most parents really do love their child. So on that level, I feel like I might sympathize with a mother or father who has had their child taken. 2) The 2nd level, I would want to yell at the parents for doing something SO stupid to have their child taken away. That they would do something so selfish and put there child in harms way, etc... It could possibly make me a better caseworker because I wouldnt put up with crap that I used to prior to having Audrie.
Anyway, it is a sad world. Before CPS, I was so ignorant. I cant ignore it any longer because now I know. Everyday I thank GOD that He placed me in my family. It is so hard to understand why I got wonderful, loving parents who love the Lord and other children get parents who are cracked out and leave them at home for hours alone. Or gives them drugs. Or puts them in cages. Or doesnt give them food but instead buys alcohol or beer. Or doesnt take them to medical appointments and lets them become "failure to thrive". There were many times during my CPS days, and even now, I ask God, "Why?". Life isnt fair. But there is hope, God loves everyone. Jesus died on the cross for every person. No matter what their life was/is like. " But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us"- Romans 5:8 " And He has a plan for everyone. "For I know the plans I have for you, declare the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope a future.- Jeremiah 29:11
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