My faith really began to grow the summer of 2004. I worked for Centri-Kid, we basically went around the US doing camps for kids 3-6 grades. It wasnt necessarily the camps that attributed to my change....but...yepp, you guessed it...a boy. I remember meeting him the first day of training week and he intrigued me. For the first 2 weeks or so, I began to get to know him and I could NOT stand him. He argued with me on everything I thought and believed. I even remember praying that God would give me love in my heart for him because I could not stand him. Well, God did just that. We talked alot about the Bible and God. He would challenge me. On what I believed and why I believed it. And I found alot of the things I believed in wasn't necessarily Biblical, but Baptist. He introduced me to the author, Brian McLaren. I introduced him to Rob Bell. The summer ended, I went back to college and we would continue phone conversations and emails. He would tell me about books he was reading in seminary and I would read them. My faith really really grew. I decided for myself what was REAL truth and what was just things I have been told to believe.
The next summer I worked for Centri-Kid again. To make a long story short, it was a completely different summer than the one before. It was a bad...very bad....summer. It ended with me being asked not to work camp again. I felt like I had been treated very wrong by the people who were in charge, which was supposed to be a Christian corporation. I took it really hard. Again, I let anger and bitterness in. Then went back to college, where I was very active in the BCM. I was a chairmen of a committee. I really wanted to change things...and then...more hypocrisy...again, a long story that doesnt really matter. All that matter is how I reacted. I reacted by running. Running from God, running from truth...but the good things is NO MATTER HOW FAR YOU TRY TO RUN, GOD IS THERE!
While I happened to be "running", I began dating GT. and we both happened to be running together. I did KNOW without a shadow of doubt that GT was who God wanted me to marry. So, we got married. The beginning was great. He had an AWESOME job, I liked mine ok. We were financially set. We bought a house. Everything seemed picture perfect. We went to church...but it was almost like we didnt "need" God. Then everything changed. GT was laid off. We had a baby. He took a new job making less than 1/2 of what he was making before and I stopped working. We thought we were going to lose our house several times. We HAD to run back to God. We had no choice. Just like the prodigal son MY FATHER was there with open arms. Forgiving everything. Loving us just as much as before. I am soooooo THANKFUL this happened to us. We need this wake-up call.
Audrie has caused me to strengthen my faith as well. Something about having this precious innocent baby and knowing how twisted and evil this world is. My prayer life has become much more active. As I pray for her future, for her now, for GT and I as parents. I am so grateful that God has not given up on me and continues to test me and push me beyond the limits I set.
I was sitting in church a few weeks ago when I decided to my blog about my journey. I wanted to do it for a few reasons:
1. I wanted whoever reads my blog to know what I believe. I do hope it is evident in just knowing me. Christ died on the cross to SAVE US from our sins. I believe without His salvation there is NO hope, there is NO peace. Only heartache, destruction...and an ultimate reality of living eternally in hell. If someone might be in the place I was at 15, doubting, not sure what to do, scared...getting rid of my pride was the best thing I could have ever done and allowing Jesus to be the King of my heart was THE BEST DECISION I HAVE EVER MADE. It didnt make my life perfect. It actually made it a little harder, but SOOOOOOOOOOOO much better.
2. I want my children to read this one day. My dad would always tell me he wanted us to learn from his mistakes instead of making them ourselves. I hope my children or anyone reading this will learn from my mistakes. I am quite hard headed and usually have to make mistakes myself to learn.
3. God tells us to share our story. Being a stay-at-home mom, my human interaction is pretty low (if you cant tell by all my blogging!)...so this a way for me to share my story. And I will continue sharing as God shapes me and molds me.
I end with my favorite song as a child, it feels more true now than ever...
He's Still Working on Me
There really ought to be a sign upon the heart,
Don't judge her yet, there's an unfinished part.
But I'll be perfect just according to His plan
Fashioned by the Master's loving hands.
He's still working on me to make me what I ought to be.
It took Him just a week to make the moon and stars,
The sun and the earth and Jupiter and Mars.
How loving and patient He must be, He's still working on me.
In the mirror of His Word reflections that I see
Make me wonder why He never gave up on me.
He loves me as I am and helps me when I pray
Remember He's the Potter, I'm the clay.
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